This past week I held my fourth Parenting with Confidence workshop. I created it for parents of highly sensitive, fiery, and/or neurodivergent children because I was one of them. I didn’t want other parents to feel as lost and alone as I did when my children were young and I was learning to navigate this world. (I still am!)
What I notice most in these workshops isn’t a lack of knowledge (we’re all at different stages of our journeys) or a lack of skills, which is what many parents fear and come looking for. It’s a lack of confidence. They don’t trust themselves or their attunement, and they worry about what others think and say.
I understand this completely. I have been the mom people stare at while her child screams on the ice or refuses to let her leave dance class. I have been the lone parent sitting in the class because my child won’t participate if I’m on the other side of the partition. I have been the mom who got the phone call about her child hitting another child at school. I have been the mom who feels like no one gets her child or sees their abilities and strengths. I have been the mom so afraid of her child not fitting in, hating school, or being negatively labeled. Sometimes that mom still returns.
But along the way, something changed. I began learning about neurodiversity, high sensitivity, temperament, and the brain. I put my anthropological training to work, seeing norms as social constructions that deserve to be questioned. And I began letting the outside noise fall away so I could attune to my children. I paid attention to their needs and emotions, and to the moments when they felt good, regulated, and open. I learned to engage them through their special interests, keep their bodies moving, and get them outside playing with others. I learned to validate their feelings without getting pulled into them, and to help them problem-solve and repair.
In my workshops, I meet so many parents like the earlier version of me, questioning their every approach. They are exhausted and desperately need respite. They also need understanding, and support from others who can affirm that they are doing right by their child. Most arrive wanting skills for meltdowns and shutdowns, transitions, or social situations. But by the end, I find that what I care about most is them: how they are coping with the real challenges of parenting a highly sensitive, fiery, and/or neurodivergent child.
So, if you are that parent, the one who leaves the birthday party early, who replays the teacher’s comment at night, who wonders if you’re getting any of this right, I want you to hear this: you know your child. The attunement you worry you’re lacking is already there when you are meeting them in a calm and regulated state. This belief in yourself and your knowledge of your child is often quieted by the noise around you. Skills matter, and we’ll keep learning them together. But the most important thing I hope you take away is trust in yourself. You are not failing your child. You are learning them, and that is exactly what they need.
